How long has it been since I last wished wistfully that I wanted to die? I don't know exactly but ever since college, I restricted myself from having those kind of thoughts because it is so unhealthy plus ever since I fell in love with God, I don't think it's something He would want to happen to me... He's really great! :)
Anyway, recently, there has been a lot of ill-events in my life that I couldn't handle anymore. My emotions are going around so much yet I still have no idea whatsoever what it is that I should do to be able to handle the situation better. It's really sad yet my face says so otherwise. Am I an idiot? I don't know, I must be... and a really good one at that! Because for a long time I've been putting up with my insanity and still haven't gotten sick and tired of it... Miracles do happen huh? I'm not really making much sense right now but I have to clear the fact that I can't find the purpose of my life anymore... it feels like I'm a totally useless git!
Commercial break from all the drama:
The kid placed beside me is playing Tutti Cuti: The Ice Cream Parlour Game.. ahihihi, so kawaii~ Where did she find that game? I kind of like it... I'm a bit envious! Haha! I want to go around catching ice creams that flies from out of nowhere while holding a cone... though I'm not really the one eating it though... aww! SAD!
Cut! So going back to my drama, I have no life, I'm useless, I'm a bitch and I'm loosing the reason to live. Honestly, I just believe that my pet dogs are my only reason for living and once they leave me... I don't think I have anything left for me... I love them yet you can't really expect thjem to feel the same way for me! They're freaking dogs plus they're not personally mine... I'm just like their caretaker or something. If yu ask for my friends... I don't think I have any. I've been so distant with everybody that I no longer share a connection with them plus I'm ruining their lives when I'm a around! hahaha~ I just want to laugh about it but honestly... it's so sad then here at home, everyone is so distant. Honestly, I don't think I have much of a life anymore and I'm on the verge on going crazy.... hehehe, Why am I like posting this Last Will and Testament kind of entry in my blog? ahahah~ well, no body really cares about me anymore so I don't think anybody really cares about what happens in my life. Honestly, I'm kind of a loner nowadas and I no longer have anything to hold on in life but I hope and pray that I can pass through this storm with a happy and honest heart. I pray for the best and believe in God above all. If I day one of these days, it's all my fault but if I didn't... well, that means I'm meant to let this storm pass and make it through despite all the pain.
Last commercial break:
Go and read the manga Nana or watch the anime. It's really nice yet sad. I really appreciate the story and love the events that occurred. It's a bit sad yet I love the reality imposed on the story... I fell in love with Shin by the way~ he's mine! That's stupid prostitute who's just 15 year old! Can't believe that Kanata Hongo took that boy's role~~ Kawaii!!! hahahaha! :D anyway, Nana really has one of the best storylines ever!!!
So for my final words in this post, if ever I post something after this in a few days or weeks... that must've mean that I haven't died yet~ heheh! :D
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