CHOSEN: before camp

YFC Camp CHOSEN is formally starting tomorrow! OH MY GOSH! Honestly! I feel so hesitant right now! I don't know why I am experiencing this feeling when I've given so much just to attend this camp. I'm not sure why I'm experiencing last minute panic... I guess it comes with people, like me, who will be participating for the first time. I'm entering a community wherein the only people I know are numbered and the fact that I'll be away from my family for 3 whole days without them showing much care on the matter. I have to admit. I may be not just hesitant right now - worried more like. I just wish I can get over this already because this is a pain in the ass to be honest! I'm going over there to be with GOD! So why the heck should I be hesitant?!

But there will be moments wherein I'll be at ease and relaxed... as if nothing happened. Like another day is here so what's up? Grr... I hate this, I hate myself. I get this is how my anxiety attacks me but anyway, there's not much that I can do about it right? I already paid the amount needed for the night stay... I'll be missing my family but I believe that attending the camp is a must because... I WANT TO KNOW IF I WANT TO BE A YFC MEMBER.

I guess I have a more specific idea of what my heart is hiding... I am confused and everything and I'm blogging because I want it out of my system. I want to go to that camp and feel that God is with me and at the same time back home with my family. I know that HE is with them and with me... I'll be missing my family but I have to do this. I need to grow.

I've been so attached with my family now that even if they don't talk to me - their presence alone is enough to satisfy my heart's desire of how much I love them and how much they care for me. It can be painful for some but you know what... the greatest love doesn't need conversations and hugs always, it needs feelings that will last forever. I guess GOD is trying to teach me what is to be done and what I have to experience. I had asked him that if ever I get to live away from home, will He take care of my family for me. I guess this will be His answer for me.

I pray to the Lord that may my family, friends, enemies, people I haven't met, the sick, the young, the old, the poor, the rich, the strong, the weak even those who have sinned and have not asked for forgiveness... I pray for them to be blessed greatly and may they be guided away from since with the Lord's love and care. We are His children, we are His daughters and sons, brothers and sisters - He loves us more than we can love Him so though I am a bit confused right now, I'll trust everything in His care.

Lord, may the participants of the "Chosen" camp enjoy the whole 3 days with great love and joy as they celebrate with You in Your most loving grace, Lord my God Jesus Christ, protect our families from harm, guide us from sins, help us be your holy people who will be worthy to join You in heaven. Our life is Yours Lord, may this celebration be successful.

Amen.