3 Days of Pain!

GUYS! I MISS YOU SO MUCH!

did you miss me? :D heheheh, well I did and very much and I have to say that you guys are the reason why I blog right now and no one else. Anyway, I'm really tired after that darn 3-day camp and I never felt so tired and depressed and... grr, can't find the perfect words but I assure you, it's almost like you're alive but you're not.

I'll be thanking God a lot for taking care of me throughout the sensitivity training because without Him, I would have probably died right now from the pain I've experienced. I am really sad and lonely and I don't really know what to do during the camp... I have to say that there were people who took care of me even if I'm not their responsibility and they showed great care and love for me... and I want to thank them for always... ALWAYS sharing with me their joy, pain and even their most embarrassing moment! hahahaha!

Well... it's because there were people back there who was supposed to be the ones I love more than anyone in the crowd who survived the whole training session without even saying 'hi' or 'hello' to me when we see each other. Honestly, that slapped me in the face... and it made me realize how unimportant I was to them... I must never question their love for me but during the sensi training, I couldn't but feel that way. We met, numerous times, but they always... ALWAYS seem to ignore me or not see me at all and not even a single entity from them asked 'Where were you?' for all the times I wasn't with them. I guess it really came down to the truth how worthless I am... worthless... worthless and worthless.

Honestly, a rationalization came into my mind last night, whenever I express my real feelings to them... it only brought about trouble and whenever we are all in a-okay state this occurs. It's hard to hold on into a relationship that hurts you more than anything else... call me a coward but I've decided to move on and stay distant from them because even when I approached them it only establishes a temporary closeness and... that closeness makes me happy and it makes me feel whole again like the former pain, like this, is something I can forget but this can't keep going on because one day it will kill me, it will succumb me and one day... it will destroy my totality as a person!

Shheeeeesh, drama till today? At the very least, I'm not as emotionally unstable as yesterday! hhahaha! It was funny how emotionally indifferent I was with everybody and how sad I would easily get whenever someone raises their voice to me or when someone nags me I'll be all 'SHut uP!' hahaha, :D SORRY to all the people who got dragged in on this mess... May God guide us all and help us in everything we do.

...and for that

MAY GOD BE PRAISED!