STOP! Before you read this let me warn you of some things first… this letter may or may not be addressed to you at all but it doesn’t matter whether you read it or not. All that I ask for those who wants to waste their time reading this is to respect everything I have written here. Don’t point out any wrong grammars!!! I’m not good, I know that! So don’t make me more upset than I am now~ Grr….!!! Rarrrr!!!
Anyway, this supposed to be short letter of mine contains emotions I can’t share with anybody else face-to-face but at least thru letters or journals or any medium that doesn’t involve you guys seeing me fall apart, I can. This has something to do with my ‘pride’ issue.
If you just plan to pry on my life and make some stupid comments about it then don’t read this but if you came here in concern of what’s up with me… well, please read on. All I ask is respect… I may not have the right to ask people to give me respect since I am a very disrespectful person but at least this one time… let me pour my heart out to the world.
Thank you.
Dear friend,
“Hey, what’s up? What have you been doing lately? I really miss you…”
I counted the words in that quoted sentence and it consisted of 13 words… you better count again to make sure, I may have miscounted so I’ll double check it later. You know… that sentence is something I wanted to tell you for a long time now! I really miss you, swear! I even want to hug you and say “Yo, girl!” with an American accent and all, funny isn’t it? Well, that’s because I’ve been watching too much American films lately… I’m bored to death here at home except of course when I play with the puppies who take the time of their lives to ignore me as much as they can thank you dear puppies of mine! :)
Anyway, I know you’re probably wondering why I even bothered myself writing a letter to you and online?! Come on people! Why online?! There could be thousands out there checking out this letter and saying “Dude, the person who wrote this must be insane” and I totally agree~ I’m insane!!!
You still probably don’t get me… and I know that after all the times that we’ve been thru you know I’m a frank person when asked “What’s wrong?”, so here goes nothing: I don’t think we’re friends anymore. “What?!” that must’ve been your first reaction if you took that seriously and if not, you would probably have laughed your ass off… well, I’m serious.
I know we’ve been thru a lot and I really value those moments! You’re one of the few I truly consider as my best, best friend! And I was even imagining enjoying my future with you still on my friend list! Come on, I told you everything – at least almost everything as far my memory is concerned – I could possibly tell anyone and I think you did the same too. Yes, I said I think because I’m not really sure. You did say you trust me and I’m one of your closest friends too and I really appreciate that! I was so touched when you said that but somehow… the quote “Actions speak louder than words” kept on repeating in my head right now like some kind of advertisement in tv that reminds you that this product of theirs is blah, blah and stuff… and you know what? It just plunged itself into my heart like a knife sharpened for this very moment!!! Grr… deeper than I had expected...
Lately, I’m being an asshole and starts getting emotional – you know, my usual drama? Still remember some of them? Probably irritated you to death ha? I have some serious mood problems… hehehe. Anyway, lately, I’ve been feeling neglected and unremembered. I miss you a lot and I tried contacting you hoping that even just for a minute of your busy life I could get thru to you and hear you say “Hi!!! I miss you! How have you been?” but somehow, no matter what I do I couldn’t reach you… It was like… there’s this thought in my mind that told me, you would try to contact me back, like old times, extend your hand to me back when I have mine extended to yours for a long time now and I felt that somehow you don’t plan to extend your hand anymore. Metaphorical or Dramatic, which is it? Well that’s for you to think and about and that’s what all about me! Little ‘ol crazy me… I’m probably just overly emotional right now so I’m getting so worked up about such a little thing of negligence… but you know what? No matter how emotional I am right now, I am definitely sane enough to know what I’m saying and I don’t think I’ll regret every word I’ve typed in here… because as of now, this is just one of the very few moments wherein my mind listens to my heart – like a connection or a planetary alignment that happens only in a thousand or million or billions of years – which allows me to put into words what my heart is crying out for a long time now... Pain.
I don’t need sympathy or your apologetic attention right now, all I want is for you to know what’s happening with me and how I feel… and what move comes next after this? It is all up to you. Be it, we would be close friends again or we start going on our separate lives just like what you’re doing right now, so be it! I trust everything in your better judgment, you’re smarter than me. I’m an idiot and an idiot I will always be. May God guide you in your life, this may be the last time I may say this as a best friend because the next time we meet, I would probably treat you the way I treat my other friends because I don’t want to be hurt anymore. Hurt, to the point that I may never heal again, because I can’t hide the fact that I want to talk to you, hang out with you, tell you my opinions in life, joke around with you – old times sake and even for the new times! So for this one truthful moment of my life, let me say this to you “I miss you”
Yours truly,
Your Best Friend
This has been one of the most dramatic letters I’ve written all my life but so far… this is by far, one of the best!!! The tears are going down the drain, the pain is slowly easing, the heartaches slowly fade and as of now, I could close my eyes and sleep in peace. I can rest, then after that, I’ll wake up wearing the best smile I haven’t worn for a long time… my heart.
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