New Day. New Life

I guess I haven't really trusted a lot of the other people I claimed important. It's one of the most vital things that is required in every relationship and something that I lack... a lot!!! ~grr... what kind of human being am I?! I'm a perfect example of someone so imperfect - hehehe, sorry, I kinda love the sentence when it came into my mind! I love ironic stuff~ just like the idea of a thief not wanting to rob anything but is required to do so, well, that character just came into my mind so don't expect anyone to have an idea on what the heck I am talking about!!

Commercial break:
During our Filipino Class... we were forced to sing the songs we translated from English to Filipino... and the weird part here is singing in front of the class with everybody staring at you! I'll upload the videos next time, :) So let's enjoy the fun~ hahaha!

Going back to whatever I was blabbing about earlier... I need to get a move on with my life regarding my online stories~ I mean, I kept saying that I'm about to update and how long is forever?! I haven't updated at all... I'm such a freak... grr... T.T

Commercial 2:
I'm promoting our new yahoo groups for 3Bes1, :) I'll ask Hazel to make me a moderator... I want to make some adjustments and stuffs... hahaha! Fun, fun life~ I have a lot of things in mind! AND I just realized that I have more commercials than actual post... grr..! Bad me~



Click to join 3besone


Anyway! I've been really wanting to have fun and I realized that being myself is most fun and whether or not people accept me... I'll be happy on just how things are! Naaakz~ that is so me! hehehe! Oh well, I'm just gonna kick those people' s asses who kept on saying bad stuff about me! I'm not perfect and so are they so they, like me, have no right to talk about other people behind those people's back!

Commercial 3:
I read two of Mon's post and I got irritated with the drama part about not having friends... so 'arte'! Can't he at least push some effort to analyze the situation and stop complaining! DUH?! I have it when I read those kind of post but anyway~ I'm not really mad! Just a bit disappointed! :P hehehe, I thought he knew better! Oooh well~

So last words on the matter... I want to download a lot of manga! Nana is sooooooooo great! Honestly, I recommend everyone to read it or watch it! I guess the reality it pose to the readers is so real and good, I can't help but fall in love with the story and the characters~ It's 12:18am and I'm still outside surfing the net~ what a life! ngeee... better call the PLDT My DSL promo soon so I could have a normal surfing life at home *Sigh* I hate PLDT, but I have no choice though XP hahahaha~

Last commercial:
I love my friends and from this day on I swear I'll try my best to be stronger and I thank GOD above all for taking care me a lot, especially when I am down and troubled~ hhihihihih! :D I owe a lot to HIM!~ yay! Happy, happy life! :D

I really thought that the earlier words would be last but I guess I'm so talkative I won't stop talking till someone tells me to SHUT UP! noooooooo~ that would be bad or i'll be staying here forever! Ngee... that is so unhealthy plus the download server on this place is not in favor to me... waaaaaaaaaah~ oh well, but I have to admit that the server is faster here but the download system is the problem but this place is secured virus free thought~ I'm glad about that! ehehehe, :) At least I won't be placed in any situation wherein I'll be endangering my USB! hahaha~ I love my USB more than me? No way~ hahahaha! :D

Here's the song I translated:

"Saturday"
by Fall-out Boy

I'm good to go
And I'm going nowhere fast
It could be worse
It could be taking you there with me
I'm good to go
But it looks like I'm still on my own

I'm good to go
For something golden
Though the motions I've been going through have failed
And I'm coasting on potential towards a wall
At a 100 miles an hour

When I say
Two more weeks
My foot is in the door (yeah)
I can't sleep
In the wake of Saturday (Saturday)
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended

Pete and I attacked the lost Astoria
with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence
And I read about the afterlife
But I never really lived more than an hour (more than an hour)

When I say
Two more weeks
My foot is in the door (yeah)
I can't sleep
In the wake of Saturday (Saturday)
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended

And I read about the afterlife
But I never really lived
And I read about the afterlife
But I never really lived

Two more weeks
My foot is in the door
Me and Pete
In the wake of Saturday
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
When these open doors were open-ended
Saturday
Saturday


My translation:
A/N: You can sing the song using my lyrics~ Yay! My national language is Filipino and I'm a Filipina~ hehehe, MABUHAY PHILIPPINES!! :)

“Sabado”

translated by Me :)

Handa na ako

At wala akong pupuntahan

Pwedeng lumala

Dalhin ka nito papunta sa akin

Handa na ako

Pero mukhang ako’y mag-isa lang

Handa na ako

Para sa ‘sang hiwaga

Kahit na ang galaw na dinadaanan ko’y sawi

At ako’y naghahanap ng potensyal sa pader

Sa bilis na 100 milya

Pagsinabi ko

Dalawang linggo

Ang paa ko’y nasa pinto (Oo)

Di ako makatulog

Sa gising ng Sabado (Sabado)

Sabado

Nang ang pintong ito’y bukas sa dulo

Sabado

Nang ang pintong ito’y bukas sa dulo

Ako’t si Pete’y umatakae sa Astoria

Ng may pangako at presisyon at gulo ng kabataan

At nabasa ko ang kabilang-buhay

Pero di pa ako nabubuhay ng higit sa ‘sang oras (higit sa ‘sang oras)

Pagsinabi ko

Dalawang linggo

Ang paa ko’y nasa pinto (Oo)

Di ako makatulog

Sa gising ng Sabado (Sabado)

Sabado

Nang ang pintong ito’y bukas sa dulo

Sabado

Nang ang pintong ito’y bukas sa dulo

At nabasa ko ang kabilang-buhay

Pero di pa ako nabubuhay

At nabasa ko ang kabilang-buhay

Pero di pa ako nabubuhay

Dalawa pang linggo

Ang paa ko’y nasa pinto

Ako’t si Pete

Sa gising ng Sabado

Sabado

Nang ang pintong ito’y bukas sa dulo

Sabado

Nang ang pintong ito’y bukas sa dulo

Sabado

Sabado

~Hope you enjoyed that!!

Over and over again!

How long has it been since I last wished wistfully that I wanted to die? I don't know exactly but ever since college, I restricted myself from having those kind of thoughts because it is so unhealthy plus ever since I fell in love with God, I don't think it's something He would want to happen to me... He's really great! :)
Anyway, recently, there has been a lot of ill-events in my life that I couldn't handle anymore. My emotions are going around so much yet I still have no idea whatsoever what it is that I should do to be able to handle the situation better. It's really sad yet my face says so otherwise. Am I an idiot? I don't know, I must be... and a really good one at that! Because for a long time I've been putting up with my insanity and still haven't gotten sick and tired of it... Miracles do happen huh? I'm not really making much sense right now but I have to clear the fact that I can't find the purpose of my life anymore... it feels like I'm a totally useless git!

Commercial break from all the drama:
The kid placed beside me is playing Tutti Cuti: The Ice Cream Parlour Game.. ahihihi, so kawaii~ Where did she find that game? I kind of like it... I'm a bit envious! Haha! I want to go around catching ice creams that flies from out of nowhere while holding a cone... though I'm not really the one eating it though... aww! SAD!

Cut! So going back to my drama, I have no life, I'm useless, I'm a bitch and I'm loosing the reason to live. Honestly, I just believe that my pet dogs are my only reason for living and once they leave me... I don't think I have anything left for me... I love them yet you can't really expect thjem to feel the same way for me! They're freaking dogs plus they're not personally mine... I'm just like their caretaker or something. If yu ask for my friends... I don't think I have any. I've been so distant with everybody that I no longer share a connection with them plus I'm ruining their lives when I'm a around! hahaha~ I just want to laugh about it but honestly... it's so sad then here at home, everyone is so distant. Honestly, I don't think I have much of a life anymore and I'm on the verge on going crazy.... hehehe, Why am I like posting this Last Will and Testament kind of entry in my blog? ahahah~ well, no body really cares about me anymore so I don't think anybody really cares about what happens in my life. Honestly, I'm kind of a loner nowadas and I no longer have anything to hold on in life but I hope and pray that I can pass through this storm with a happy and honest heart. I pray for the best and believe in God above all. If I day one of these days, it's all my fault but if I didn't... well, that means I'm meant to let this storm pass and make it through despite all the pain.

Last commercial break:
Go and read the manga Nana or watch the anime. It's really nice yet sad. I really appreciate the story and love the events that occurred. It's a bit sad yet I love the reality imposed on the story... I fell in love with Shin by the way~ he's mine! That's stupid prostitute who's just 15 year old! Can't believe that Kanata Hongo took that boy's role~~ Kawaii!!! hahahaha! :D anyway, Nana really has one of the best storylines ever!!!

So for my final words in this post, if ever I post something after this in a few days or weeks... that must've mean that I haven't died yet~ heheh! :D

To my best friend...

STOP! Before you read this let me warn you of some things first… this letter may or may not be addressed to you at all but it doesn’t matter whether you read it or not. All that I ask for those who wants to waste their time reading this is to respect everything I have written here. Don’t point out any wrong grammars!!! I’m not good, I know that! So don’t make me more upset than I am now~ Grr….!!! Rarrrr!!!

Anyway, this supposed to be short letter of mine contains emotions I can’t share with anybody else face-to-face but at least thru letters or journals or any medium that doesn’t involve you guys seeing me fall apart, I can. This has something to do with my ‘pride’ issue.

If you just plan to pry on my life and make some stupid comments about it then don’t read this but if you came here in concern of what’s up with me… well, please read on. All I ask is respect… I may not have the right to ask people to give me respect since I am a very disrespectful person but at least this one time… let me pour my heart out to the world.

Thank you.

Dear friend,

“Hey, what’s up? What have you been doing lately? I really miss you…”

I counted the words in that quoted sentence and it consisted of 13 words… you better count again to make sure, I may have miscounted so I’ll double check it later. You know… that sentence is something I wanted to tell you for a long time now! I really miss you, swear! I even want to hug you and say “Yo, girl!” with an American accent and all, funny isn’t it? Well, that’s because I’ve been watching too much American films lately… I’m bored to death here at home except of course when I play with the puppies who take the time of their lives to ignore me as much as they can thank you dear puppies of mine! :)

Anyway, I know you’re probably wondering why I even bothered myself writing a letter to you and online?! Come on people! Why online?! There could be thousands out there checking out this letter and saying “Dude, the person who wrote this must be insane” and I totally agree~ I’m insane!!!

You still probably don’t get me… and I know that after all the times that we’ve been thru you know I’m a frank person when asked “What’s wrong?”, so here goes nothing: I don’t think we’re friends anymore. “What?!” that must’ve been your first reaction if you took that seriously and if not, you would probably have laughed your ass off… well, I’m serious.

I know we’ve been thru a lot and I really value those moments! You’re one of the few I truly consider as my best, best friend! And I was even imagining enjoying my future with you still on my friend list! Come on, I told you everything – at least almost everything as far my memory is concerned – I could possibly tell anyone and I think you did the same too. Yes, I said I think because I’m not really sure. You did say you trust me and I’m one of your closest friends too and I really appreciate that! I was so touched when you said that but somehow… the quote “Actions speak louder than words” kept on repeating in my head right now like some kind of advertisement in tv that reminds you that this product of theirs is blah, blah and stuff… and you know what? It just plunged itself into my heart like a knife sharpened for this very moment!!! Grr… deeper than I had expected...

Lately, I’m being an asshole and starts getting emotional – you know, my usual drama? Still remember some of them? Probably irritated you to death ha? I have some serious mood problems… hehehe. Anyway, lately, I’ve been feeling neglected and unremembered. I miss you a lot and I tried contacting you hoping that even just for a minute of your busy life I could get thru to you and hear you say “Hi!!! I miss you! How have you been?” but somehow, no matter what I do I couldn’t reach you… It was like… there’s this thought in my mind that told me, you would try to contact me back, like old times, extend your hand to me back when I have mine extended to yours for a long time now and I felt that somehow you don’t plan to extend your hand anymore. Metaphorical or Dramatic, which is it? Well that’s for you to think and about and that’s what all about me! Little ‘ol crazy me… I’m probably just overly emotional right now so I’m getting so worked up about such a little thing of negligence… but you know what? No matter how emotional I am right now, I am definitely sane enough to know what I’m saying and I don’t think I’ll regret every word I’ve typed in here… because as of now, this is just one of the very few moments wherein my mind listens to my heart – like a connection or a planetary alignment that happens only in a thousand or million or billions of years – which allows me to put into words what my heart is crying out for a long time now... Pain.

I don’t need sympathy or your apologetic attention right now, all I want is for you to know what’s happening with me and how I feel… and what move comes next after this? It is all up to you. Be it, we would be close friends again or we start going on our separate lives just like what you’re doing right now, so be it! I trust everything in your better judgment, you’re smarter than me. I’m an idiot and an idiot I will always be. May God guide you in your life, this may be the last time I may say this as a best friend because the next time we meet, I would probably treat you the way I treat my other friends because I don’t want to be hurt anymore. Hurt, to the point that I may never heal again, because I can’t hide the fact that I want to talk to you, hang out with you, tell you my opinions in life, joke around with you – old times sake and even for the new times! So for this one truthful moment of my life, let me say this to you “I miss you”

Yours truly,

Your Best Friend

This has been one of the most dramatic letters I’ve written all my life but so far… this is by far, one of the best!!! The tears are going down the drain, the pain is slowly easing, the heartaches slowly fade and as of now, I could close my eyes and sleep in peace. I can rest, then after that, I’ll wake up wearing the best smile I haven’t worn for a long time… my heart.